Now as an adult, she still feels the lack of emotional support in her life. As a child, she obviously felt some considerable lack of affection, warmth, and support from them. Sarah was raised by a mother who was critical and self-preoccupied and by a father who was distant and aloof. Larry and Sarah both feel that their relationship, rather than growing and becoming more loving, is fatally drifting apart. She’s constantly disappointed in her husband (Larry), and he’s convinced he can never hope to satisfy her and that he’ll always be a disappointment to her.
For this example, I’ll choose a woman (Sarah) as the partner who frequently and painfully feels emotionally unsupported. This partner can be, of course, either a man or woman. Let’s look at the unconscious issues that plague each partner, starting with the partner who chronically feels unsupported. In such instances, both partners have unconscious issues that feed the dissension between them. One of the most common and damaging scripts that couples act out involves this conflict: One spouse or partner habitually complains that the other partner is not being emotionally supportive enough, while the other partner feels that no matter how hard he or she tries it’s never good enough. Most relationships that disintegrate do so because of what people don’t understand about themselves. Each spouse or partner reacts to the other according to set patterns and emotional expectations, and they snipe at one another like hand puppets consigned to a tragic script. These unhealthy relationship dynamics repeatedly lead couples into confrontations, defensiveness, angry words, and heartbreak. Often they have no idea of the deeper psychological dynamics driving them apart. Millions of couples are stuck in particular forms of relationship dysfunction that push them over the brink into painful acrimony and separation.
We need to understand the deeper dynamics that can drive us apart.
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